9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
