Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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