yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
