thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
