Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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