Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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