the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
