i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
