i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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