This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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