Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
