Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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