Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
