I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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