you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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