What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
