Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
