are you still at the devil's house?
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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