That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
