New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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