Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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