I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
