So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
