i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
