when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
