Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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