remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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