I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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