Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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