Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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