Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
