Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
