if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
