Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
