She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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