I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
did you just send me my own nude
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
