I didn't shave. On purpose
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
