i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He did a backflip because drugs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
