I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
