I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
