Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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