Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize