im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
