We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
two words: eviction party
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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