Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
