During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
