did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
