Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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