um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
