this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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