I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
