happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
