I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
