if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize