somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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