We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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