That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
