Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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