Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
thus making me awesome and them whores
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
