Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize