I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
