Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
