Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
