i will never coherently bang her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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