your room smells of hookers.
And success
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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