don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
