i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
