i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
