hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
