she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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