I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
