Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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