Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
