I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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