i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
