Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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