I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
