Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
