I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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