my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
