i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
