Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
