His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
