can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
