You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
