White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
