So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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