Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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