I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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