Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Porn is love you can see.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
