and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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