What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
