so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
