i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
