Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
