we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
