I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize