Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I touched a dick in church today
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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