I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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