his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
