You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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