You're so nebulous sometimes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
