I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I want her autograph on my taint
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
